The Thirteen Hallows

I do not think The Thirteen Hallows deserves the thrashing it is taking here in the review section.

However it needs to be said that when I ordered this book it was because it was written by Michael Scott and my son loves the The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel series which is a series for young readers. Note that The Thirteen Hallows is NOT a book for young readers AT ALL. Teenagers would enjoy it, but it does have some sexual content and with the overflow of violence i'd feel wierd recommending it to a teen.

I would say it makes more sense for it to be in the horror genre than the fantasy genre. You get alot of blood in this book. I mean a lot. As a matter of fact the characters are forever stepping in puddles of blood. You can smell the blood and the body fluids before you're halfway through with the book. Torture to the maximum level. The book is not for the faint of heart. Senior citizens having their skin flayed off is not everyone's cup of tea.

It's got a smidge of Warehouse 13 with the artifacts having powers. It's got a smidge of dark magic. More than a smidge of an action movie.

What it does really well, is the same thing that the Da Vinci Code did really well. There is no filler. It's all action. The chapters are no longer than 2 pages each. It's like the book is written for our short attention spans. I completely enjoyed reading the book. I hope it does well. If I had more money than God I'd buy the movie rights to it today.

The cover of this book is what first caught my attention. It is quite well done. Then the description of the story inside enticed me into making the decision that this was a novel I wanted to read. From seeing the sword I thought I would probably be encountering some fantasy aspects regarding swords and sorcery and I was all ready for that. A sword I got, some mystical elements I got, a good book I did not get.

It appears to me that these two writers decided that their collaboration for this novel would be based on shock and repetition. One of the elements of repetition was shown in the trite ending sentences of most of the chapters. I rolled my eyes and soldiered on. The problem for me regarding shock tactics was that once the element providing the shock had been revealed the repetition of that element kept me from being shocked any longer. Decapitation? Sure, if once is a shock why not repeat it many more times. Blood and gore present in such large quantities that the carpet squishes when it is stepped on? Sure, only after that first time repetitions become completely anti-climactic. Have a character who can only be transported to the astral world by holding back the ultimate moment of sexual pleasure? Sure, just have The Dark Man (Ahriman) and his wife, psychic and witch (Vyvienne) engage in sex so often that it becomes a totally meaningless exercise. Was it simply laziness on the part of the authors which kept them from finding other methods for Vyvienne to use to travel out into the astral world? Because that is how she continued to pinpoint where the objects, the Hallows, and the horrible henchmen were located at that moment.

This is the story of thirteen common objects which became imbued with magical properties when they were used to seal a portal which bound demons from reentering our world and feasting on human flesh and blood. These Hallows had been protected through thousands of years by Keepers originally chosen specifically for that task and then the Keeper passed down the protection of their object within their own blood line. For some reason which I didn't quite get all thirteen objects had to have new Keepers at the same time and the chief keeper found a group of thirteen children who had been evacuated from London during World War II to the Welsh town of Madoc. Seventy years have now passed. One of the Keepers, Judith Walker, has been noticing that the Keepers are dying violent, unnatural deaths and she knows someone is trying to gather all the Hallows together to use the power they contain to make themselves ruler of the demons. After her home is burglarized in an effort to kill her and take the Hallow she has been guarding Judith entrusts her story to the young woman who came to her rescue on a London city street.

Does that sound interesting to you? Well, perhaps it might have been if there had been any character development whatsoever. Add to that the almost constant bombardment to the senses with torture, blood, gore, evil, decapitation, disembowelment, and let's not forget the sex. And the use of the word *naked*. I truly wish I had kept a count of how many times that word appears in this novel. Could the authors not have changed it up a little? Nude, disrobed, unclothed, bare? Every once in a while changed *naked* to something else? I will give them credit for one aspect of the story though, when the final body count was totaled, they did resist using the number 666. Instead we get 622 plus the bad guys, plus the good guys, but still it doesn't reach that 666 total. Oh, and don't even let me get started on the poor police officers these authors constructed or why they thought it was a good idea to have thirteen victims who were all between seventy five and seventy eight years old.

Because I read so many books I'm often asked, not which is the best book I've ever read, no, because I've just been talking to that person about a really good book I think they might enjoy. Instead I am most often asked what is the worst book I've ever read. I don't normally have an answer for that. From now on I will. I have given some books a one star rating in my reviews on Amazon. I feel now that I should go back and raise those to two stars because for me this is, without a doubt, the worst book I have ever read.

I read this book, and it really held my attention. It was the kind of book you want to keep reading, because the story kept moving forward at a great pace.

When she helps save an old lady from some street thugs, Sarah Miller is doing more than stepping out from the horrified bystander role she played her whole life, and finds herself involved in a whirlwind of mystery, magic, and danger. Joined by the old woman's nephew, she is chased by police as well as the thugs, who are guided by an evil figure with dark powers. Sarah must come to understand the power of the relic passed into her possession, and must stop the evil plot.

This is a dark fantasy with lots of violence and death, but no more violence than you would get from many thrillers, like the Preston and Child novels, and while there is sex, none of it is terribly explicit. It's not for kids, but its really not terribly objectionable, and it is all fairly integral to the plot or used to effectively bring a sense of the danger that awaits if our protagonists are not careful and lucky.

This is the start to a series, apparently, and I, for one, am interested in following along. I found the ideas interesting, and the storytelling compelling.

Recommended.

It's surprising to me that the legendary Thirteen Hallows aren't used more often in fantasy novels.

So at first I was excited to hear that Michael Scott (NOT the one on "The Office") had produced an urban-fantasy thriller that revolved around these legendary items. Unfortunately, the actual novel is less than impressive -- Scott pelts us with torture-porn gore and repetitive confrontations with the sadistically evil villains. The whole bloody mess ends up being boring and depressing instead of exciting.

In World War I, thirteen children were entrusted with the Thirteen Hallows of Britain, ancient artifacts of power. Now someone is hunting them down, murdering them, and taking the Hallows. Sarah Miller becomes involved when she rescues an old lady from a mugger, allows her to stay the night, and comes home the next day to find that her family has been cruelly murdered. The police suspect that Sarah herself snapped and killed them.

And soon Sarah finds herself in possession of Dyrnwyn, a legendary sword that craves blood. And with both the police and these mysterious bloodthirsty foes pursuing her, she must find the old woman's nephew Owen, and give the broken sword to him. But soon both they discover that something more horrifying than they can imagine is threatening the world.

"The Thirteen Hallows" is a very bipolar book -- sometimes we have a classic British fantasy, only for it to suddenly swing into oceans of gore and bloody body parts. Kids get murdered. Old people are carved to bits. It's a very disturbing read, but that could have tied in nicely with the ancient, darker tone of the Hallows. It could have been awesome.

Unfortunately, Scott just pelts us with an unending stream of SHOCKING! gory deaths, torture, and Sarah and Owen scampering around like frightened rodents. Any thin shreds of plot are drowned by how incredibly repetitive the book is, how comically pulpy Scott's prose is, and by the over-the-top gratuitous sex'n'violence that never seems to stop. Eventually you just get numb.

Also, Scott seems uncomfortable with writing a female main protagonist OR villain. At first it seems that the villain will be the witch Vyvienne, only for her to end up a second fiddle for her husband. Similarly, the protagonist Sarah ends up becoming a sidekick for Owen. What gives?

It doesn't help that none of the characters have a lot of dimension. Owen is the only really interesting character, since he seems the most real -- and he's also the character who gets the least development. Sarah is a wilting little flower whom everybody treads on, so it's hard to really identify with her.

And the villains are evil. Really evil. Totally evil. They are sadistic fiends who enjoy carving up old ladies just for yucks. In case you didn't get how EVIL they are, they have no redeeming characteristics or motives -- it's all just because they're EVIL. Because all evil people are sadists with no redeeming characteristics! Have you figured out how evil they are?

"The Thirteen Hallows" was a book overflowing with promise, but it ends up a leaking squishy mess of blood, guts and naked body parts. The sword Dyrnwyn may drink blood, but this book will suck it right out of you.

For Michael Scott to describe himself as an "expert in mythology and folklore," and then to short-circuit and bastardize the cannon of such legends and myths in an orgy of frenetic, cheap pulp fiction is unforgivable. The only people who could actually enjoy the trite hodge-podge and nonsensical prose of The Thirteen Hallows, are people who know almost nothing about the historical background of the real and mythical figures that make up the deep and rich source material. I was bored and put off by the endless depictions of torture and gore - not in a prudish way - I am actually a huge fan of horror. However, there was absolutely NO suspense in this novel, and therefore, it fails epically on the most fundamental level of a "thriller." To just throw in scene after scene of butchery to simulate tension and build momentum is the hallmark of a really sloppy author taking the low road to the mass market. It reads like a hack job and a sell out.

Many reviewers have mentioned that the authors (it took TWO of you to write this drek?) are woefully in need of a Thesaurus. I must have read the phrases: a sour mouth, metallic smells of blood, the bitter stench of urine and feces, a dark meaty odor, etc. a dozen times.... not to mention the most un-erotic descriptions of sex - ritual or otherwise - ever used to used to depict the evil couple at the center of the "action." As for the "good" couple, Sarah and Owen, they are never developed beyond cardboard cutouts, so why would readers want to follow them into the obviously pending sequel?

I don't expect every author who approaches the subject matter of Britain's sword and sorcery genre to follow the same prescribed path, but having a plot line that reveals Jesus and Joseph of Arimathea as sci-fi action figures holding the rent in time and space against the evil human-eating reptilian race in "the Otherworld" is a desperate contrivance, not literary imagination. Oh, and apparently, werewolves and vampires are the half-breed offspring of human women raped by the demons. I'm really surprised that Scott and Freedman didn't bring flying monkeys, Sasquatch and the Loch Ness monster into the fray! It's just too much you-know-what thrown against the wall to stick.

There is simply no excuse for squandering the wealth of myth, history, legend and heritage that make up thousands of years of tales, written and passed orally by generations of our ancestors. Variations on a theme, poetic license and creativity are what keep these tales alive and thrilling. But these lazy authors have cynically patched together a comic book that panders to the lowest of expectations. Undoubtedly, it will be a big hit.

I literally read this book cover to cover in 3 days (which is extraordinarily fast for me) as I am a very slow reader. While the subject matter is completely different, it reminded me of when I picked up "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and could not put that down. It's definitely dark.... but the fantasy lightens it up. This book's combination of wit, sex, violence and intrigue are the perfect cocktail for any voracious reader. So if you like a deep, dark and spicy novel this is a MUST READ!

Those who love the children's series "The secrets of the immortal Nicholas Flamel" by Michael Scott need to realize that this new series of his is NOT, repeat NOT, for children. This book contains the violent torture and killings of elderly men and women, multiple beheadings and lots and lots of sex. By the end of chapter 1, two women have been filleted. The beginning of chapter 3 has the evil Ahriman and his psychic wife, Vyvienne, coupling upon a church alter.

So, parents of the kids who loved "Nicholas Flamel", do not stick this book in their Christmas stockings this year.

"The Thirteen Hallows" starts with a young woman in London, Sarah Miller, who saves an elderly stranger from what appears to be a mugging. When the elderly woman entrusts Sarah with a broken rusty sword, she tells her to give it to her nephew, Owen, with the message "I'm sorry for what's going to happen". Thus starts the unlikely journey of two people who have just met. The broken sword holds extraordinary powers and is part of a group of 13 Hallows, ancient holy objects, that protect the world from a demonic horror and must never come together.

Ahriman and Vyvienne, when they are not busy having sex, are tracking down the Hallows and destroying their elderly owners in gruesome satanic blood rituals They want to rule the world with the power of the Hallows. Realizing Sarah has one of the Hallows, they begin hunting her by employing inept drug addicts and thugs to do their dirty work. The police are also hunting Sarah and Owen because they think this mousey little bank teller is a serial killer leaving dead bodies all over London. Their train of thought is one dimensional, at best.

I know this is a fantasy novel with ancient magic and folklore and a bit of the Bible tossed in for good measure, but it is highly implausible and has way too many lucky coincidences.The readers are supposed to suspend their disbelief, but it's hard. The characters aren't that engaging, the story is one big chase scene filled with horrific murders, and very little of this story is fresh or exciting. And, strangely enough, the book is written with short paragraphs and chapters. Like a children's or young adult's novel.

Again, this is not a book for the squeamish or your children.

The story revolves around Sarah Miller, who becomes mixed up in a race to find thirteen powerful artifacts called Hallows. Each Hallow is guarded by a Keeper and someone is killing Keepers in gruesome, horrific ways.
During a lunch break, Sarah successfully steps in to stop an elderly woman from being attacked. The elderly woman is a Keeper, who tells Sarah to deliver her Hallow to Owen, her nephew.
So begins the race of Sarah and Owen to stop the collection of the Hallows by the agents of evil, while also being persued by the police.
The story takes them from London, over the southern counties of England to the Welsh border and a Celtic Music Festival, attended by thousands, that will be used as the final great blood sacrafice to activate the Hallows.
There are some clever uses of beliefs/myths/legends and although it took me some time to warm to Sarah, the other characters are well described and fully fleshed out.
Besides some really bad editing, the story starts off slowly but soon begins to speed up to the final battle between the forces for good & evil.
An enjoyable ride, an usual use of different belief systems and legends that looks like it could be the begining of a new series.

After finally finishing this book I have to admit that my first review did not give it enough credit. Yes, it was extremely graphic & full of gore, but, once I completed this book I knew I had read a great book. Yes, it was exciting. Yes, it kept my interest, Yes, it kept me turning pages, but it wasn't until about the last quarter of the book did I realize who they were writing about and what they were writing about. Most of the Hallows mentioned in this novel still exist, as do the group of people known as the Keepers. I love the way the book ended. It definitely left it open for further books in this series . . . and I will be in line to read them all. I loved this book! It would truly make a great movie if they did it right!

Wow! I can not believe how terrific this book is. I read it in a flash and still want more. The characters evolve and the story flows and picks you up and puts you into the plot! Warning: Some of Michael Scott's books are for teens. This is not a teen's book. There is definite violence, sex and horror in the book. Nothing feels gratuitous; all parts of it contribute to moving the plot forward. I haven't read a book I enjoyed this much in quite a while. I highly recommend!