Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life

According to Peter Gray. he wrote this book in response to the implications and consequences of a school-centric model for childhood development: "The school system has directly and indirectly, often unintentionally, fostered an attitude in society that children learn and progress primarily by doing tasks that are directed and evaluated by adults, and that children's own [informal, self-directed] activities are wasted time...Related to this anti-play attitude is an ever-increasing focus on children's [begin italics] performance [end italics], which can be measured, and decreasing concern for true learning, which is difficult or even impossible to measure. What matters in today's educational world is performance that can be scored and compared across students, across schools, and even across nations to see who is better [who scores higher] and who is worse [who scores lower]. Knowledge that is not part of the school curriculum, even deep knowledge, doesn't count."

Credit Gray with brilliant use of sequences to explain the development of a key concept or the steps/stages of a key process. For example, seven reasons why children don't like school; lessons to be learned from exemplary schools (e.g. Sudbury Valley School); universal types of children's play; five of the most valuable lessons to be learned from children's informal, self-directed ways of playing games such as baseball that formal, adult-directed games do not; three primary styles of parenting (i.e. trustful, directive domineering, and directive-protective; reasons for the decline in trustful parenting; and how to become a more trustful parent.

I wholly agree with Gray that most children will never learn how to trust themselves, become more self-reliant, unless and until their parents and other adults with whom they have direct and frequent contact (e.g. family members, teachers, coaches) demonstrate trust in them. Many adults (especially parents) would like to adopt a more trusting style but find that hard to do. "The voices of fear are loud and incessant," Gray observes, "and the fears never completely unfounded. Terrible accidents do happen; adult predators do exist; delinquent peers can have harmful influences; children and adolescents (like people of all ages do make mistakes; and failure can hurt." It is also important to keep in mind that, now that there are so many single-parent homes, the school-centric model of childhood has taken increasingly stronger hold over time and affected all aspects of children' lives. Hence the great need for school administrators, teachers, and coaches to read this book.

These are among the dozens of passages that caught my eye, also listed to suggest the scope of Gray's coverage.

o The Rise of Psychological Disorders in Young People, The Decline of Children's Freedom and the Rise Psychological Disorders (Pages 12-24)
o Autonomy, Sharing, and Equality (24-26)
o Self-Control (38-41)
o How Agriculture Changed the Roles of Parenting (44-51)
o How Schools Came to Serve the State (60-63)
o Seven Sins of Our System of Forced Education (66-83)
o A Truly Democratic School, and, The School as an Educational Institution (88-97)
o How Sudbury Valley Is Like a Hunter-Gatherer Band (100-104)
o Curiosity: The Drive to Explore and Understand (114-122)
o Human Sociability, and the Natural Drive to Share Information and Ideas (126-137)
o The Power of Play: Four Connections, What Is Play? (133-152)
o Lessons from Informal Sports (157-164)
o The Value of "Dangerous Play" (171-174)
o The Value of Free Age Mixing for Younger Children, and, for Older Children (185-204)
o Three Styles of Parenting, and, Reasons for Decline in Trustful Parenting (209-219)

Before concluding his brilliant explanation of why "unleashing the instinct to play will make our children happier, more self-reliant, and better students for life," Gray observes, "I'm only guessing here on the details of what might replace coercive schools. I suspect, and hope, that the details will vary considerably from community to community, depending on local needs and demands. The decline in coercive schools and the rise in voluntary educational opportunities will be gradual, but eventually the coercive system will fade away. And then we will witness a full renewal of children's capacities for self-control and desire to learn, and an end to the epidemic of anxiety, depression, and feelings of helplessness that plague so many youth today."

Books such as this one could help to facilitate, indeed accelerate the "full renewal" to which Gray refers. Given the fact that my ten grandchildren are now enrolled in schools and colleges, I fervently hope it happens soon rather than "eventually" but that seems highly unlikely, given the coercive system now firmly in place. I wish I were as optimistic as he is that "we as a culture will come to our senses and restore to children the freedom to take control of their learning, so learning will once again be joyful, exciting, and integral part of life rather than tedious, depressing, and anxiety provoking." Perhaps to a significant extent, schools today resemble -- for better or worse -- the dysfunctional homes in which many of their students are raised.

I realize that no brief commentary such as mine can do full justice to the material that Peter Gray provides in this volume but I hope that I have indicated why I think so highly of it. Also, I hope that those who read this commentary will gain a better understanding of how at least some public schools can become learning centers for everyone rather than remain warehouses for children.

As you know, Peter Gray has become an oft-quoted resource for us as we go about our mission to make the world safe for fun. He is a frequent contributor to Psychology Today, his articles regularly appearing on their blog in a section called “Freedom to Learn.”

Today, we draw some more inspiration from his new book, Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life.

The book is, in large part, a well-reasoned condemnation of public education. The prologue of Free to Learn begins with these words, writ large: “GO TO HELL.” And continues: “The words were spoken by my nine-year-old son, Scott, in the principal’s office of the public elementary school.” And a little later: “I immediately began to cry. I knew at that instant that I had to be on Scott’s side, not against him.”

But far more than a condemnation, Free to Learn provides us with deep, carefully researched insights into the connections between freedom, learning and play – providing a cloak of validation to some of my favorite conjectures.

“Perhaps,” Gray notes, “kids play on the computer today as much as they do partly because that is one place where they can play freely, without adult intervention and direction.”

And then: “We have here a terrible irony. In the name of education, we have increasingly deprived children of the time and freedom they need to educate themselves through their own means. And in the name of safety, we have deprived children of the freedom they need to develop the understanding, courage, and confidence required to face life’ dangers and challenges with equanimity.”

He addresses play itself in chapters 7 (“The Playful State of Mind”) and 8 (“The Role of Play in Social and Emotional Development”). Here are a few tastes:

“Taken as a whole, they (researchers) show that learning, problem solving, and creativity are worsened by interventions that interfere with playfulness and improved by interventions that promote playfulness.”

“…the characteristics of play all have to do with motivation and mental attitude, not with the overt form of the behavior itself.”

“People can, to varying degrees, bring a ‘playful attitude’ or ‘playful spirit’ to whatever activity they are doing.”

“(1) play is self-chosen and self-directed; (2) play is activity in which means are more valued then ends; (3) play has structure or rules that are not dictated by physical necessity but emanate from the minds of the players; (4) play is imaginative, non literal, mentally removed from ‘real’ or ‘serious’ life; and (5) play involves an active, alert, but non-stressed frame of mind.”

I have to stop. I’m on the brink of copyright infringement or plagiarism. The gist: if you are involved with children, education, unschooling, free ranging, or anything having to do with play, Free to Learn is something you’ll want to read, own, share, and give to everyone you know who cares about the lives of our children and the future of our world.

The book "Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play..." did not match up to the positive reviews as I read it. The author praises the hunter-gatherer groups as he perceives them. It seems that he is mostly talking about these groups second hand, based on others' studies. He concludes that they are good models for our society to pattern after. He talks about the advantages of free play, and children of different ages relating without adult "interference." But the groups he is talking about have 50-150 members and adults are always present to learn from and to help when needed. It is not like our society with few adults in the vicinity. Also the older children have been trained in the group's ways before they start relating to the younger children. In our society older kids down at the end of the block, in the parks, etc. are not necessarily going to be only good influences on their younger peers.

Then he talks about the hunter-gatherer group's control mechanism of Scorning to bring their members into compliance. Then if that doesn't work, the group Shuns the non-conforming member. Most everyone conforms after being shunned. He lauds these practices over some sort of physical discipline. I am not an expert on "discipline" but the emotional damage done from scorning and shunning should not be ignored or discounted.

I would think that the Danish Forest School approach would be more beneficial to young children than this author's scorn/shun approach.

Other reviewers have noted the author's practice of prescribing conclusions prematurely, of looking for data that support a predetermined viewpoint. It does seem like that is the case here.

People in the school system I have shown this to have become very upset - of course, because it means that they will not have a job any longer if the words in this book were really applied to our "educational system." It's the same reason why they do not like the home schooling movement. At any rate the "our children" Grey refers to are not really defined. Who are "our children" - who is he referring to? What are the demographics of home schoolers? I ask this because I believe we will continue to see the same outcomes among groups that we see now, and this too is very scary to the State. Perhaps most of all - because when left to its own devises the cream always rises to the top. This means we also need a country that is humane enough to and free enough to (I do not know if Grey is a libertarian) allow people to find their place in society, and assure that society has a place for them, no matter their level of intellectual engagement. This is the opposite of striving for equal outcomes. These issues are raised in the book, between the lines, but not dealt with of course, because they are beyond the scope of the book. But it does raise these questions. Free to Learn is, nonetheless, required reading for any parent of a school aged child, whether they send their child to school or not - perhaps most importantly if they DO send their child to school so that they especially know what to say when they are called before a team of "concerned educators" to discuss why their child is not living up to the standards the school has set so it can make it onto the annual Newsweek Top 600 School survey.

Dr. Gray uses research, history, evolutionary psychology, and his personal experiences as a parent and a teacher to show how we can help children learn in better ways besides following the well-paved path of "teach 'em and test 'em." Gray's rethinking of schooling and his analysis of society's ideas about what children should be allowed to do during school hours give support to every parent and teacher who see children's unfettered play as a vital resource to be nurtured, rather than a classroom distraction to be squelched.

As a parent of a 17-year-old who has attended schools modeled after Sudbury Valley for 10 years, I expected the premise of the book but was delighted by the substance. Every call to arms to liberate our kids from factory schooling gives me hope that the future Gray envisions will become reality. I've seen firsthand the co-operative nature of play, the deep commitment to elaborately invented role playing games, and the fairness and maturity of its students.

Gray and his collaborators conducted an investigation of hunter-gatherer play that is wide in scope and yielded insights into attitudes that are applicable today. Every assertion he makes, whether it is regarding the competency of children, the effects of overscheduling, or the role curiosity plays in child development is credibly supported.

Maybe some people will find the courage to become trust-based, non-coersive parents. This book will help them do that. It changes everything.

If this book had been around when I was wrestling with the decision of whether or not to unschool my children, the process would have been much shorter and much simpler. Free to Learn covers all the bases convincingly and does so in a way that makes you want to read the entire thing in one sitting. Research, anecdotes, and logical deductions all flow seamlessly together to create an unarguable rationale for simply letting the kids play (learn).
If you are already familiar with Gray's blog then you will find great satisfaction in witnessing the uniquely academic yet entertaining coming-together of his thoughts and conclusions. There is a vast amount of information in this book not found in his blog, all of which masterfully backs up the central themes of his posts. If you are new to the author then you will be pleasantly and willingly convinced by his persuasive writing.
If this were the only book ever to be written on letting children learn as nature intended, it would be enough.

Every parent should read this book!

I love this book. We apply many of the principles during our homeschooling. Dr. Gray is the best advocate for unschooling!

If your lifestyle allows to do what this man says... just do it.