How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

I find the act of reading books by David Richo comforting in itself. In some ways it feels like his writings are just one long mantra. As if he is saying the same thing over and over and so for the duration of your reading it feels almost like a blissful meditation... and so long as you are reading his words, you feel comforted and as if you can handle whatever the world brings you. The challenge of course is to translate this feeling into practice in your day to day life.

This book is well worth reading more than once.

Few, if any, of us were raised or taught how to be mindful in any relationship, let alone an adult relationship. I highly recommend that you give yourself the gift of reading this book and implementing its teachings into your life - with yourself and with others.

I use the ideas in this book in my work with women trying to break out of dysfunctional relationships. They have no clue what a real one is and how to develop one. This helps with all types of relationships they must have.

As a psychologist, I KNEW the influence my childhood had had on my relationship choices - the men I chose to be with and the things I chose to do once in the relationship itself. After a final disaster, I had vowed to just be a happy single - and then I found a relationship that is so precious and spiritual that I wanted to do whatever I could to not just preserve it, but nurture it to grow deeper and more powerful.

I went in search of a book that would help me be an adult in my relationship. Almost laughingly, I sought something that would combine my Catholic faith, the tenets of Buddhism that I use in practice and my personal life, and the Jungian philosophies my partner and I both embrace and discuss endlessly. Never, in a thousand years, I thought, would I find a book that would fit all of those bills.

I was delighted to find that in David Richo's book, I found it all. And not just explanations - those I had in abundance - but practical ideas for how to move through and move past old and new hurts, how truly to GIVE in this relationship. My partner and I read from this book at least weekly, and the exercises within help us both think about what we do, why we do it, and how to do it differently.

Dr. Richo's style is positive, normalizing, free of jargon and babble, spiritual, and very, very helpful. THANK YOU, Dr. Richo, for writing this wonderful book. The others are on my shopping list.

Richo combines his background in Catholicism, Jungian psychology, and Buddhism to bring wisdom to the task of becoming an adult. He illuminates many gems of wisdom with new clarity. For instance, I find his definition of mindfulness very helpful. "Mindfulness is a Buddhist meditation technique that brings our attention to our breathing in the here and now and away from our mind's inveterate habit of entertaining us with fears, desires, expectations, evaluations, and so on."

Richo considers love not so much a feeling as a way of being present. He lists five aspects of mindful loving: Attention, Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, and Allowing freedom. The first step to becoming an adult in relationships is to mourn and let go of whatever lack of this kind of loving you experienced as a child. He explains an eight-part process to do this. Otherwise, we will be expecting some other person to give us what we missed in childhood.

Taking responsibility in a relationship can be difficult for those of us who tend to be selfish yet are loathe to admit it. I appreciate the Zen approach towards mindful living and giving others what we ourselves want from them: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing others to be themselves. I thought the title of the book was a bit misleading until I realized that, I may have grown up, but in many ways I do not know what it truly takes to be adult in my thoughts, emotions and actions in relationships. Over the years I have gravitated closer and closer to Buddhist thinking in my reading and meditation, and this book speaks directly to my need to shape up and practice what I learn from books like these. Dr. Richo's emphasis on the 5 A's and Buddhist psychological approach is right on target.

I can't possibly begin to accurately describe how important and powerful this book is.

But it is one of the most important books I've read in my adult life, to date.

For all adult relationships. Not only for Life Partners. Read this book and also Getting the Love You Want.. These are both well worth the time and cost

Given the plethora of other 5 star reviews here, there's not much left to say, so I'll say this:

1. I return to this book very regularly, as I date, and various different issues/dynamics spring forth into my awareness
2. I wore out a brand new highlighter.

Yes, this book is THAT GOOD. And, at $9-10 per copy, it's an absolute steal.
I've bought multiple copies to hand out to dear friends.

Wow this book is speaking to me on so many different levels. Not just my romantic relationships, but how I have compensated in every area of my life due to my lack of the "5 A's" while growing up. This book opens so many ideas as to how I can be a better friend, lover, employee, brother, and son. My suggestion is to read it a few pages at a time and let the ideas and analogies sink in, it is definitely a book you will refer back to since the ideas within it evolve as you become more aware of your own relationship with self and others. Really awesome book!!!!!