I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain

This is a revealing look both at what goes on behind the scenes in making The Bachelor and, whether intentional or not, at the raunchy lifestyle and persona of this Hollywood-model turned author. The biggest takeaway is that producers, through selective editing, can amplify conflict and create viewer tension by depicting Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants as either Mother Teresa's or budding Ted Bundy's. By the end we can't be sure whether Season 16's Bachelor winner, Courtney Robertson, was a mean-girl villain or a somewhat willing victim. There's plenty of salacious dirt to go around.

The book is peppered with locker-room language and lewd details such as the number of men 30-year old Courtney has had sex with (not that many according to her and primly rounded off. She also has a rule against going all the way on first dates with men she might be interested in getting serious with later on.) She describes her favorite positions for intimacy either alone or with a partner, complete with the Cosmo-inspired name for one of them. Robertson identifies the guy who bestowed "the best sex I've ever had", an alum of the show. And of course the number of times she and Ben did it on their overnight in the Fantasy Suite. Courtney gives us the names of other Bachelors and Bachelorettes who were intimate in their Fantasy Suite interludes, which commonly involve separate sex with all three of that season's finalists, two of whom are soon to suffer the humiliation of being publicly dumped by someone they've fallen for on national TV.

Robertson maintained a detailed journal during the wearisome downtime between exhilarating dates that some of the girls went on with Bachelor Ben Flajnik. So we learn that contestants for weeks on end are sequestered together in exotic locations with ample free booze but deprived of access to cell phones, TV, or friends and family. This fosters a combustible mix of boredom, estrogen fueled gossip, intense competition, and the unrelenting threat of being sent home.

There's a close-knit brotherhood/sisterhood of former Bachelor contestants, whom the show occasionally convenes for parties and brings back for the summer spinoff "Bachelor Pad". What's surprising is that so many gorgeous, nubile female alums, who were publicly virtuous on their previous seasons, make themselves readily available for the alumni hunks. If your name is Emily M., don't read this book.

Once a winner is selected the winning twosome is kept separately in seclusion for about four months, until the episodes air. That hiatus is when two people from often totally different backgrounds first encounter their partners' cultures by long distance phone calls and a few clandestine arranged dates. There was apparently little time during previous taping sessions to have discussed with each other such basic topics as religion, politics, one's views on saving versus spending money, and their respective levels of education. When each episode airs they see for the first time how they were portrayed and what the audience saw their partner doing and saying to the other contestants. Thus, the winners frequently breakup sometime after they have milked the notoriety and financial opportunities offered to them (such as what one gets paid for being on Dancing With The Stars) after the final results are shown to the public.

Lovable Ben comes off as distant, self-absorbed, and more interested in being with his buddies than with Courtney. His mother is painted as snobbish (her first question to Courtney was "Why didn't you go to college?"). Courtney's mother's mantra was "All men are scum" and she raised her daughter as a prude. Courtney, of course, ultimately broke out of those constraints in high school, which she barely completed, and she has continued to accelerate through life in the passing lane. Like many other Bachelorettes she falls regularly for "bad guys" despite having her pick of almost any man she wants.

The book is fairly well written, aided by Deb Baer. There are plenty of inside info lists, such "How To Get Noticed on the Application to The Bachelor", "Arie's Kissing Tips", and show creator's Mike Fleiss' "Banging The Bachelor". The lists are thrown into the narrative somewhat indiscriminately, however. It's hard to remember from 2012 the many contestants referred to by only first name so fans may want to have a computer handy to Google "The Bachelor Season 16 Cast" for pictures and bios.

Some critics have called The Bachelor "fantasy football for females" (and eye candy for a few voyeuristic males like me). But ladies, be careful what you wish for. Another lesson of "I Didn't Come Here To Make Friends" is that appearing on this show can be life-changing but there's less than a 4% chance of a happy ending. And even the winners can be losers.

I am a huge Bachelor/Bachelorette fan. A friend of mine told me this book was great so I was curious to read it. It was funny and interesting. I watched Ben's season and I, like (almost) everyone else I thought she was terrible! But this book really made me change my mind. I can see how her sense of humor, looks and history made her a big target for the show. She reminds me of some of my friends who were raised in other countries where you say what you think without worrying so much about other people's feelings. I am sure the producers really took advantage of her personality and made her seem much worse than she is.

I appreciate how she accepts blame for the part she played in everything and how she doesn't really badmouth anyone but explains what happened. The only thing I find puzzling is her insistence that Ben is a hottie. I don't see it!!

Unlike Andi Dorfman, Courtney was smart enough to get the help of a professional writer. Also unlike Andi, Courtney accepts responsibility for her actions and keeps loving forward instead of dwelling on what she lost. I'd definitely recommend this book to any fan of the show.

This book just confirmed what a mean girl she really is. I thought she may have caught a bad edit. But no...she's really just mean. Enjoyed the behind-the-scenes bachelor stuff, but nothing about Courtney is appealing. Overall, I'm Glad I didn't waste my money on this!!

I love the Bachelor series. From that perspective this book was entertaining. I also happen to be a psychologist. And from that perspective, Courtney's behaviors do strike me as someone who could have a personality disorder. Her relationships are extremely volatile and vacillate between over-idealizing and then devaluing the other person. Her emotions, behaviors, and sense of self are very unstable. It is then no surprise that she leaves a string of ruined relationships behind her and continues the same behaviors over and over. It is sad to read this person's story because she has such little insight. When she described wanting to do some self-reflection, I was so glad and thought that would make for an interesting read -- but then she went to a psychic instead of a mental health professional.

That being said, I appreciate her honesty and I do feel bad for her, especially with how the media treated her. However, it seems that a lot of bad things that have happened to her were a direct result of her own actions. She tells parts of the story as if the bad things were completely outside of her own actions; as a reader you can pretty easily see how her actions led to those consequences. For example, if you say nasty things to people, you are going to be perceived as mean, even if you were trying to be funny. I was a little confused when she implied that she wrote this book to clear her name because it didn't really do that (in my opinion).

If Courtney Robertson just wanted to dish about herself and Ben that is one thing, but she dishes about lots of other people too. She is clearly seeking revenge yet tries to present her story as one of gaining wisdom and serenity. I guess she figures if she has to have a bad reputation she wants others to join the club. It is kind of laughable that she wrote the book to be seen in a better light, yet she uses the book to bash other people and thereby looks petty and childish. And because the book was ghost-written, we'll never know if she really has a brain in her head. She certainly never bothered to get an education and apparently her curiosity about the world goes no deeper than "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." This would be a one-star review except it was interesting to learn some of the things that go on behind the scenes on The Bachelor.

The book is supposed to be humorous and she tried so hard to sound funny but at the end I felt sad for her. I feel sorry for this woman. This book was like written by a super insecure girl in middle school. Now I understand why all her relationships failed. She is self-absorbed and dumb. She will grow old alone.

This was an embarrassing read. Field mice possess more class than this woman. It dismays me that she was allowed to scrawl the poorly-worded details of her awkward sex life into some pages and deem it a book. And she wrote this to better her sullied reputation? Really? Courtney needs Jesus, or a lobotomy. Either way, that was horrific.

Big fan of the show, however, I was not a Courtney fan until now. She is very candid and funny in her book. Entertaining because of her authentic humor. There will not be a Bachelor/Bachelorette book filled with the pure, vulnerable honesty that she shares. You will laugh and also have a little insight to the show's alteration of events. Seemed authentic to me. Worth the read. Treat yourself..I don't think that you will be disappointed.

I was torn between giving this book 2 or 3 stars and decided on 3 because I did enjoy reading it.

My favorite things about the book were: reading about the behind-the-scenes aspect of the Bachelor/Bachelorette; reading about the reality of the relationship after the show is over; the gossip about other Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants. I wish she had included names or examples when she did "blind" items, but I suppose she did so to prevent any contract breaches or potential defamation allegations. I ended up liking her marginally more than I did while watching her season. I felt sorry for her re: how Ben treated her after the show ended.

Ultimately, though, I feel like this book is disingenuous for several reasons. First, it's a plug to be selected as the Bachelorette (she's not subtle...she actually states she would like to be the Bachelorette). Second, I feel like it's an attempt at reputation damage control. She claims that her mean girl portrayal was just her humor falling flat, but she apparently cannot discern the difference between humor and cruelty. She continues to insult the other girls during the book (e.g. she was shocked at how "average" they were, Emily had stringy hair, etc), and yet she seems to want pity for the way she was treated after the show ended. She also claims that she tried being nice at first, but was immediately shunned because she's a pretty model. Yes, she's pretty. But, most of the women on that show are beautiful, so I find it weird that they would shun her on the basis of her looks, considering they didn't shun any of the other women who are just as beautiful. At the end of the day, I got the sense that Courtney is every bit as self-absorbed and bratty as she was portrayed, but it still was an interesting read and I even started rooting for her a little bit.

Fun little note--Ben deserves every bit of skewering he gets in this book. I was especially amused at her tidbit that he complained about Courtney watching 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians' and would insult them (and yet he later appeared to be dating Kris Jenner-gross).

Was a little crazy with all the dirty talk. Can't believe she would let her family read that stuff. I got this at my local library and ate it up. I really wanted to like her more. She says a ton of witchy stuff and is clueless about how to find love. Reminds me of the movie heathers. She's definitely a heather. Thanks for the juice Courtney. I'm still trying to get backwards cowgirl out of my mind. What a visual! Kacie b. Was so dang annoying I enjoyed reading Courtney's bashing of her and all the other hopefuls. Shame on bachelor Ben for leading women on and making them think he owned a winery and was ready for marriage when he really lived in an apt with three other dudes in sf and drinks beer all day.