If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

This book talks about subtle abuse--the "I feel bad about myself when I'm around him" rather than "he's hitting me" type of abuse. The author initially talked about the definition of abuse, including subtle abuse, and explained why people should not put up with it. While she realizes that men can also be the targets of abuse and that abuse also happens in other types of relationships, she mainly talked about women in dating or marriage relationships with a man that abuses them. She used the stories of real people to illustrate what subtle abuse can look like.

She covered the many methods of subtle abuse to help people identify it. When a person refuses to take responsibility for their hurtful actions or make genuine, lasting efforts to change, she advocates getting out of the relationship. She also talked about the traits of people that become victims of subtle abuse, like people who are very empathetic. These traits are often positive things, but the abuser uses them against the victim. She talked about some things a woman getting out of an abusive relationship can do to protect themselves. She provided advice on how to recover your sense of self-worth and learn to recognize healthy relationships after leaving an abusive relationship. Finally, she talked about how to teach our daughters to identify and not put up with subtle abuse. Overall, I think this would be a helpful book for someone in a relationship that makes them feel bad.