Strangers Drowning: Grappling with Impossible Idealism, Drastic Choices, and the Overpowering Urge to Help
Strangers Drowning: Grappling with Impossible Idealism, Drastic Choices, and the Overpowering Urge to Help book cover

Strangers Drowning: Grappling with Impossible Idealism, Drastic Choices, and the Overpowering Urge to Help

Hardcover – September 29, 2015

Price
$16.38
Format
Hardcover
Pages
336
Publisher
Penguin Press
Publication Date
ISBN-13
978-1594204333
Dimensions
6.63 x 1.06 x 9.52 inches
Weight
1.3 pounds

Description

“[Strangers Drowning] really made me think about morality, doing good, the lengths some humans are capable of in terms of altruism, and my own limitations. This is such a thoughtful, philosophical book that doesn't beat you over the head with a message because the message is: Here are people, these are their stories, make of it what you can, but don't dare mock or demonize them. We are human because we are different and have different capabilities.” —Sarah Weinman, Publishers Lunch Favorite Books of 2015xa0“I can imagine Larissa MacFarquhar’s ‘Strangers Drowning’ being as wonderful to read a hundred years from now as it was this year. The book reports on extreme ‘do-gooders’—a favorite chapter looks at a couple who adopted 22 children—but its detail-oriented and nonjudgmental intelligence makes it at once morally complex and mythic, modern and timeless.”— Rivka Galchen , The New York Times Book Review “Fascinating…The keys to the book’s success are MacFarquhar’s exhaustive journalistic approach and her clear, concise writing… Strangers Drowning is a brilliant jumping-off point to explore where each of us stands morally.”— Chicago Tribune “MacFarquhar describes [the altruists’] motivations in elegant, empathetic terms…The stories resound with the universality of fables, events unfold at their own pace, and the overall tone of Strangers Drowning, with its panoramic view of actions and their consequences, seems to draw from the texts of psychology, philosophy, and religion in equal measure, evoking the case study, the thought experiment, and the parable.”— Bookforum “Engaging…MacFarquhar…writes full and nuanced profiles, often by letting her subjects speak for themselves. She doesn’t cast judgment on their ideals or their struggles to live up to them.” — Boston Globe “MacFarquhar…tackles these questions with great intelligence and empathy…Thanks to MacFarquhar’s curiosity and insight, and her embrace of complexity and ambiguity in storytelling, these portraits don’t read at all like a secular version of ‘Lives of the Saints’…[They have a] richness and tenderness…with all their telling details, unexpected turns and wonderfully novelistic observations.”—Héctor Tobar, The New York Times Book Review “MacFarquhar’s argument builds quietly, shown rather than told. The bibliography attests to the fact that she has immersed herself in the relevant literature but her reading is so subterranean that you hardly notice.xa0Strangers Drowningxa0is a book written in a deceptively simple and clear voice aboutxa0people, about how morality lodges itself in a person not as an abstract idea, or even a value, but as a direction for life…MacFarquhar forgoes the knowing detachment of the interviewer and stays close to her subjects, narrating their lives in her own voice but in what seems to be as faithful a mode as possible…Its ultimate effect is impressive and, one senses, a matter of principle. To allow the do-gooders to explain themselves on their own terms is to give them what society has never quite managed — the benefit of the doubt .”—Financial Times “One part modern-dayxa0Lives of the Saints,xa0one part confirmation that this is no age for saints…Brilliant.”—Laura Miller, Slate “MacFarquhar’s narrative alternates beautifully between profiles of individual do-gooders and this history of ideas that undermine their work. She returns us to the age-old questions about how to live, not by thinking in philosophical abstractions or hypothetical scenarios but through the lived experience of real people—their psychology, influences, relationships, triumphs, and shortcomings: the messy place where ethics actually lives.”— The New Republic “Ms. MacFarquhar…has a vivid writing style, and her perspective is unfailingly compassionate…Her subjects emerge as fully human despite personal eccentricities, selfish tendencies and nonstandard ideas about how to live a moral life.”— Wall Street Journal “Elegant, engaging, empathetic, and profoundly humane… Strangers Drowningxa0is full of insights, inspiring and unsettling.”— Psychology Today “Superb…Ms. MacFarquhar’s book…both streamlines and complicates the issues surrounding deep ethical scruples. She opens moral trapdoors you didn’t know were there. More interestingly, she opens ones you suspect she didn’t know were there, either. This writer does so many things well in ‘Strangers Drowning’ that it’s hard to know where to begin…[MacFarquhar’s profiles] are as taut and evocative as parables…[and] don’t swamp the inquisitive tone of her broader intellectual narrative…The author’s tone throughout ‘Strangers Drowning’ is that of a serious and wide-awake novelist. You sense a great deal of sifting below the surface of Ms. MacFarquhar’s sentences, a reserve of power and intellect drawn upon at will. If her book does not provoke and unsettle you, you may not have a pulse.”—Dwight Garner, The New York Times “Thought-provoking…Such ethical urgency, with its aura of perfectionist virtue and saintly sanctimony, stirs ambivalence in most of us. If MacFarquhar thought she might overcome it, she’s too honest to pretend she did. These do-gooders aren’t moral models. But her discomfiting portraits deliver a humanizing surprise: Few of these altruistic souls nurse any illusion that they are exemplars.” —The Atlantic “In a series of sensitive case studies, acclaimed journalist MacFarquhar examines lives of the full-time do-gooders who give it their all and then some…MacFarquhar’s book is a careful meditation on what it means to fully commit to moralxa0living—and whether the all-out commitments of this kind are, in the grand scheme of things, worth it.”— Los Angeles Magazine “Gripping…The aim of the book is neither to urge readers to change their lives nor to suggest that do-goodersxa0are deluded. Instead, MacFarquhar draws attention to a fact of life that we often prefer to sweep underxa0the psychological rug: Sometimes we prioritize our moral duty to others, and sometimes we prioritize ourselves. Everyone draws that jagged line somewhere.” —Pacific Standard “Thoughtful and wide-ranging…[MacFarquhar] lucidly illustrates both the benefits and shortcomings of this ethical position by focusing on the lives of several do-gooders…MacFarquhar offers readers plenty of food for thought in understandxading the motivations and compulxadsions of those who sacrifice everyxadthing in pursuit of a noble cause.”— BookPage “Fascinating and terrifying portraits of saints and ministers of grace.” — Kirkus “Gripping…A scrupulous study of people selflessly devoted to helping others…Engrossing and thought provoking.” — Publishers xa0Weekly “MacFarquhar's book--daringly conceived, brilliantly executed--may change not just how you see the world, but how you live in it.” - Katherine Boo, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author of Behind the Beautiful Forevers “In this inspiring yet deeply unsettling book, we are confronted with goodness at its most extreme. These arresting anecdotes from the shadowland between altruism and masochism are told in glowing, evocative prose and with polemical urgency. Few books throw one’s personal moral universe into question, but this one does, and it does so powerfully and monumentally and with a near infinity of nuance and compassion.” - Andrew Solomon, New York Times bestselling author of The Noonday Demon and Far From the Tree "With the inquisitive mind of a philosopher, the observant eye of a reporter, and the ability to write like the finest novelist, Larissa MacFarquhar has created an extraordinary work of nonfiction. Strangers Drowning helps us not only to understand what it means to be good but also human. A profound and deeply original book, Strangers Drowning will hold you in its grip and not let you go.” - David Grann, author of The Devil and Sherlock Holmes and The Lost City of Z “Larissa MacFarquhar has composed a compelling, lyrical saga of the saintly types that inspire both awe and puzzlement. These fascinating stories and Larissa MacFarquhar's own wise, funny meditations force you to inquire into your own sense of charity (or lack thereof). Easily the best book on both prescriptive and applied ethics I've read in a decade – mandatory reading for the examined life.” - Mary Karr, author of Lit and The Liars’ Club “Larissa MacFarquhar is a beautiful writer, and Strangers Drowning is a beautiful, unique book, full of astonishing and sometimes wild tales of extraordinary altruism. MacFarquhar avoids sentimentality or simple lessons. She shows; she doesn't tell. Prepare for prose that's often like poetry – and for some remarkable portraits of the human spirit.” - Cass R. Sunstein, Robert Walmsley University Professor, Harvard University, and coauthor of Nudge LARISSA MACFARQUHAR has been a staff writer at The New Yorker since 1998. Her subjects have included John Ashbery, Barack Obama, and Noam Chomsky, among many others. Previously she was a senior editor at Lingua Franca and an advisory editor at The Paris Review . MacFarquhar lives in New York.

Features & Highlights

  • What does it mean to devote yourself wholly to helping others? In
  • Strangers Drowning
  • , Larissa MacFarquhar seeks out people living lives of extreme ethical commitment and tells their deeply intimate stories; their stubborn integrity and their compromises; their bravery and their recklessness; their joys and defeats and wrenching dilemmas. A couple adopts two children in distress. But then they think: If they can change two lives, why not four? Or ten? They adopt twenty. But how do they weigh the needs of unknown children in distress against the needs of the children they already have?   Another couple founds a leprosy colony in the wilderness in India, living in huts with no walls, knowing that their two small children may contract leprosy or be eaten by panthers. The children survive. But what if they hadn’t? How would their parents’ risk have been judged? A woman believes that if she spends money on herself, rather than donate it to buy life-saving medicine, then she’s responsible for the deaths that result. She lives on a fraction of her income, but wonders: when is compromise self-indulgence and when is it essential? We honor such generosity and high ideals; but when we call people do-gooders there is skepticism in it, even hostility. Why do moral people make us uneasy? Between her stories, MacFarquhar threads a lively history of the literature, philosophy, social science, and self-help that have contributed to a deep suspicion of do-gooders in Western culture. Through its sympathetic and beautifully vivid storytelling,
  • Strangers Drowning
  • confronts us with fundamental questions about what it means to be human. In a world of strangers drowning in need, how much should we help, and how much can we help? Is it right to care for strangers even at the expense of those we are closest to? Moving and provocative,
  • Strangers Drowning
  • challenges us to think about what we value most, and why.

Customer Reviews

Rating Breakdown

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Most Helpful Reviews

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Extraordinary study of the motives and lives of "do-gooders"

This non-fiction book takes an in-depth look at what motivates “do-gooders”, those who are extremely committed to helping others, often at the expense of their own loved ones. It’s an ambitious work and is broken down into chapters telling true stories of do-gooders, like the woman in her 80’s, who after a lifelong commitment to nursing others, begins to teach midwives and the man who donates his kidney to a stranger, along with the history of completely unselfish people and society’s perception of them through the years.

The books starts off with the thought experiment of whether you should save your mother drowning or two strangers. What number of strangers that you could save would it take to leave your mother to drown? Would two be enough or would it take twenty or twenty thousand? Or would you save your mother no matter how many other lives could be saved instead?

While everyone knows there are thousands of people in the world who are starving or dying, life would be intolerable if we cared about each of those people the way we care for our family members. How would we face each day? Should you feel guilty if you spend money to go to a movie when that money might have helped a starving child? When a person is a truly committed do-gooder, their survival and needs are secondary to those of others. Their own needs feel like selfishness and there is no room for wants or desires.

While each of the stories have their own merits, I also enjoyed reading about the history of do-gooders and society’s perception of them. At times do-gooders were looked upon as hypocrites and as doing good deeds just to appear virtuous, to get into heaven when they died or to make themselves feel better. So their acts weren’t selfish at all, but actually supreme selfishness as they were actually doing charitable works for themselves. During other times in history, they were deemed to be saints. The many cases of people helping hide Jews during the Holocaust were explored. Were these cases a matter of circumstance (war) or of character?

To me, the most fascinating story was about Baba Amte, who set up a leper’s colony in India. He came to believe that suffering was at the core of what it meant to be human. He brought his family into contact with lepers and neglected them when they were sick in order to care for the lepers. He even offered to be a human experiment where he was injected with the leprosy bacillus only to learn that he was immune to the disease. He and his family lived in horrendous conditions. His children barely had enough to eat. But it’s truly amazing what Amte was able to accomplish in his lifetime on behalf of lepers.

This is a fascinating look at the motives behind courageous people who commit their lives to others in an attempt to make the world a better place.

This book was given to me by the publisher through First to Read in return for an honest review.
37 people found this helpful
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Is Doing "Good" Always Good?

Strangers Drowning, Larissa MacFarquhar, author and narrator
The book addresses the do-gooders of the world, those who place the needs of others ahead of their own, those that want to bring compassion to everyone in need, those that want to save others regardless of the risk to themselves, those that do it instinctively and those that do it by choice. In short, there are several categories of do-gooders and she explains how all types of do-gooders are perceived and why. Some are ridiculed, some are pariahs, and some are occasionally honored and revered. The way they are viewed has changed over time. At one time they were abhorred as abnormal, unstable, needy, unbalanced, but today their behavior is more accepted and appreciated. Schadenfreude often played a role in judging them. Also, no one wanted Jiminy Cricket on their shoulders all the time, judging their ability to be “as good”, as they were. How much “do-gooding” was enough? The author describes all types, but concentrates on those with the ability to totally self-sacrifice even at the expense of family and friends which is at the extreme end of do-gooders. They are those that perceive their journey as noble, caring for those in greater need, greater in number, in greater pain. Throughout the book she asks a variation of this question: “Who would you save, your mother or two strangers?” In this way she segregates into separate groups, the types of do-gooders that exist. It is well researched with references, and well known scholars and professionals are quoted to back up conclusions, but none seemed hard and fast. I thought it was really well written, clear and easy to follow, but I still felt that it was a bit too scholarly in some ways and too much of an opinion piece in another.
The sciences that study behavior do not necessarily have hard and fast rules or conclusions. I struggled to find a reason for the research and still am not sure what the author’s purpose was in writing this book. I feel almost as if she started out with a negative approach against people who were “extreme do-gooders”. She points out that doing good for someone else necessitated a choice of doing less for yourself, or in some cases if you helped strangers it was at the expense of your own loved ones, or perhaps the do-gooder only helped to serve their own need to help, rather than helping for the sake of the service itself. Still, what does it matter? If the person helping is getting satisfaction and the person receiving is positively affected, does the reason for doing the good works really matter?
The book is based on real people, in several countries, from several different backgrounds who perform a variety of different acts of self sacrifice in the interest of helping others. In some cases, the names have been changed, but most accomplished great things, even when the results were not long lasting. Some of the efforts may seem less concerning or worthy to the reader and some of the sacrifices may seem too far fetched to be in the realm of normal behavior. Such acts like donating organs to strangers rather than relatives, taking in or adopting dozens of children and families, fighting for animal rights, the rights of chickens, starting an adoption agency, becoming a monk, living a subsistence existence, and starting a leper colony are addressed. She addresses the subject of women who love too much and codependency. Whose need are they serving, the dependent’s or the codependent’s? She even addresses the needs of some social workers who feel they must give up their own lives to help others and feel guilty if they do not. She calls them the moral delusions of aid workers. They are satisfying their own need, their own guilt, their own inability to bring balance into their life’s choices and believe they have to give up their own lives to help others because they are less deserving. Surely this might be true in some cases, but I wondered, does that lessen their self sacrifice or their accomplishments? Can you really place a negative value on someone who is doing good regardless of their reasons? Apparently some do; they view the do-gooder almost as their alter ego, the alter ego that they cannot measure up to, the alter ego judging them as failures for not being as good a do-gooder.
She also addressed donors of organs to strangers. She said that sometimes the relationship between donor and recipient got complicated. She raised the question of why would someone would give up their organ to a stranger while they were alive? She said that organ donors in that category have to be psychoanalyzed before they are given permission to do so. She said that over time, the donators and organ donations have ceased being viewed as gifts from unstable donors and are viewed as more normal behaviors and contributions. She raises the issue of moral equivalents for do-gooders. Which is the greater cause, which is the better cause? Are chickens as important as humans? Are family needs greater than the needs of strangers? These are some of the questions she poses? Are aid workers self serving? Is helping a pernicious disease? Is it a choice or a need?The do-gooders in the book are of the extreme kind who put everyone and everything before their own needs. Each individual she reviewed was damaged in some way or came from damaged, dysfunctional families dealing with mental illness, alcoholism, fanaticism, and drugs. They were idealists for their own specific causes, chickens, orphans, women, lepers.
As you read, I think you must accept her premise that extreme do-gooders are not happy unless they are helping others, helping those that suffer and go unnoticed. They are not simply performing acts of kindness. Their happiness and reward comes from the joy they bring to others, not from themselves or their own lives. Many eventually become aware of their own needs and modify their self-destructive behavior. They believed they were bad and had to become better. Their guilt consumed them. The idea of pseudo-altruism was introduced as opposed to sincere efforts to help as in universal altruism. It was suggested that altruism is a form of selfishness to insure one’s own survival. Some in the field of psychology equated altruism with feelings of guilt or masochism and even sadomasochism. They described the altruists as compulsive. Did they lose their sense of balance in favor of complete sacrifice working for the benefit of strangers, others, whose need they believed was greater? Were they required to give up everything in order to be good? They grappled with those kinds of questions. How much giving was enough, how much sacrifice was necessary to make life better for everyone and everything? Was it even possible?
I never quite understood how these people actually supported themselves or their causes, and actually, I felt that the subject and the subjects were over analyzed. When did kindness, in any form, become something that was considered dysfunctional? I would like to pose that question to Mother Theresa, the sainted queen of “doing good”.
12 people found this helpful
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No index

What, no index? I wanted to look up the sections where she talks about Al-Anon and AA, and went to where I thought the index was supposed to be. Nada. C'mon!
6 people found this helpful
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Good is not Great

This is a brisk, completely engrossing look into the lives of people who care more about other people than they do about themselves. But they're not saints, they're very human - and MacFarquhar captures the humanity with the eye of a highly evolved vivisector - you get to see the insides, but you have to form your own opinion. The gruelling stories carry the satisfying crunch of great fiction: astonishing sacrifices that lead toward or away from redemption; grotesque adventures in healing lepers; the shady psychological history of the altruist. Absorbing, affecting, outstanding. Get this book.
4 people found this helpful
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Mental illness or sainthood? I vote for the former.

I was really looking forward to this book, as I know several do-gooders who put their cause before their loved ones and I was trying to better understand them. Unfortunately the case histories presented here are overly verbose and often irrelevant to the problem at hand.. The organization of the chapters jumped all over the place. It was a great and unique idea to write on this topic, but for me, I walked away not only disappointed, but a bit repelled.
3 people found this helpful
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Great story about one's sense of charity leading to self-reflection.

A provocative and thought provoking profile of "extreme do-gooders" and the dilemmas they face in their effort to save those in need while maintaining their own sanity and balance their personal lives. As someone who has worked with extreme do-gooders starting with the Peace Corps and a number of other international NGO's for more than 40 years, I found the book both inspirational as well as helpful in understanding some of the do-gooders I've worked with over the years as well as an appreciation of some of personal decisions I made in this regard.
2 people found this helpful
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Saving Strangers

This is just a fascinating guilt trip where you can compare your worries about buying a new sofa to saving babies from malaria. Does every penny you contribute to charity count? Should you curtail your own spending (and perhaps happiness) to mitigate the suffering of others whom you do not even know? Each chapter is a dramatic story with some chapters morphing into a history of altruism. Is altruism a greater good or a wild ego trip? Great conversation starters.
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The Compulsion to Serve and Its Practice

A very thorough and comprehensive analysis of altruism and its practitioners, at a philosophical level and psychologically. Larissa MacFarquhar does fine job of setting up the field of inquiry, then developing interesting narratives of a sampling of life-long "do-gooders," usually involving their families, their rationale of service and their practice in it.
The book is a very good read, and I recommend it highly.
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Fascinating Read on a Unique Subject

A fascinating topic; I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and read it in less than 24 hours. I am nowhere near as committed as the people profiled in this book, but I can see that potential in my personality and perhaps that is why I was so engrossed by it. “What do-gooders lack is not happiness but innocence. They lack the happy blindness that allows most people, most of the time, to shut their minds to what is bearable. Do-gooders have forced themselves to know, and keep on knowing…” (298) The author explores so many aspects of do-goodery using specific examples: people who focus on animal rights, donating organs, adopting children, and those tending to the poor, sick, and diseased. She discusses do-goodery in literature, “[t]here aren’t many do-gooders in fiction, which is odd, because many fiction writers, like do-gooders are driven by moral rage.” (271) She talks about various philosophies and religious perspectives on the subject. In every chapter I found something that seemed applicable to my life, topics I wanted to know more about. (I need “to know and keep on knowing…” it seems.) The book struck me as being impeccably researched. The author is a writer for the New Yorker which is known for its scrupulous fact-checking—that was extremely refreshing, as it is all too common to stumble across factual errors in book these days. I kept writing down the titles of books, stories, and essays she referenced because I wanted to read more on the subject. Finally, the book sent me to the dictionary more than once to look up a word or a concept that she used—brobdingnagian / aspidistra / Manichean /supererogatory—how refreshing, to be challenged by vocabulary. I think I’ll be digesting the ideas she explored for a long time to come.
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MacFarquhar tells fascinating stories of a wide variety of do-gooder ...

MacFarquhar tells fascinating stories of a wide variety of do-gooder types - from a chicken activist in the U.S. to the founder of a leper colony in India. In between, she takes us through the history of how society understood and tried to explain the behavior of such people. The book is both inspiring and thought provoking, not to mention written so well it's hard to put down. I know I'll be thinking about these stories and theories for months, if not years.
1 people found this helpful