The Amateurs: A Novel

“You don’t have to love golf to thoroughly enjoy this rollicking and at times howlingly funny novel about the game.....[Niven] also sneaks in some bona fide insights about family, and gratifying plotlines of revenge, romance, and friendship.” Gary Irvine's wife refuses to sleep with him, so he pursues an even stingier mistress: golf . But despite his spending unconscionable amounts of time and money, his game is wretched. Until the day he takes a perfect swing . . . and then everything goes black. After waking up from a coma a few weeks later, with a golf-ball-sized dent in his temple, Gary discovers that his last perfect swing has been imprinted on his brain. However, his newfound prowess is accompanied by some troubling side effects, most noticeably Tourette's. As Gary miraculously advances to the final round of the British Open, his delinquent brother, Lee, stumbles from one botched drug deal to another, his orbit drawing ever nearer to the terrifying local crime lord Ranta Campbell. With their lives on the line, Gary and Lee must rediscover the ties that bind to survive a blood-soaked final round. --This text refers to the paperback edition. From Publishers Weekly Starred Review. To enjoy Niven's third book (after Kill Your Friends) you don't have to shank balls at St. Andrews or even watch golf on the telly. You needn't suffer a roiling case of Tourette's, as the book's 33-year-old hero, Gary Irvine, does. You don't need to share his more embarrassing affliction, Kluver-Bucy syndrome, which drives him into onanistic convulsions at inopportune moments. To appreciate this romp through the bunkers and rough of family life in Ardgirvan, Scotland, one need only appreciate the Scottish sensibility that links together sport, family, gangland violence, and amazing strings of profanity. Lovers of lad lit will especially relish Gary's struggle to smooth a swing that has "more moving parts than Terms of Endearment," though there's more at stake than a scratch handicap: Gary's ne'er-do-well brother, Lee, sinks deeper into debt with thug Ranta Campbell while Gary's bootylicious wife, Pauline (with an arse "Ye could sit yer pint oan"), wanders away from the fairway in search of a life bigger than her husband can provide. By the close, more than one person's fate is decided at the end of a gold club. --This text refers to the paperback edition. John Niven was born in Irvine, Ayrshire, Scotland. He has written for The Times (London), The Independent , Word , and FHM , among others. He is the author of the novella Music from Big Pink and the novel Kill Your Friends . --This text refers to the paperback edition. From the Inside Flap Gary Irvine's wife refuses to sleep with him, so he pursues an even stingier mistress: golf . But despite his spending unconscionable amounts of time and money, his game is wretched. Until the day he takes a perfect swing . . . and then everything goes black. After waking up from a coma a few weeks later, with a golf-ball-sized dent in his temple, Gary discovers that his last perfect swing has been imprinted on his brain. However, his newfound prowess is accompanied by some troubling side effects, most noticeably Tourette's. As Gary miraculously advances to the final round of the British Open, his delinquent brother, Lee, stumbles from one botched drug deal to another, his orbit drawing ever nearer to the terrifying local crime lord Ranta Campbell. With their lives on the line, Gary and Lee must rediscover the ties that bind to survive a blood-soaked final round. -- The Times (London) --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition. Read more