The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place

The first computer I ever owned was an Apple Macintosh Classic II. Released in October 1991, my Mac Classic boasted a 16 megahertz CPU, 2 megabytes of RAM and 40 megabytes of memory — 80 if you splurged. It weighed 16 pounds. I felt privileged as a graduate student to have such computing power on my desk. Some of my peers had to make do with word processors or, even worse, typewriters.

Today, my iPhone 6SE weighs 4 ounces, has a 1.85 gigahertz CPU, 2 gigabytes of RAM and 128 gigabytes of memory. It wakes me up in the morning, tracks my diet and exercise progress, and handles all my emails, texts and social media. It takes pictures, shoots video and streams movies, TV shows and music on demand. It stores books and magazines that I read, including the Bible. When my kids get bored — or, to be honest, when I get tired of paying attention to them — it entertains them.

My Mac Classic was a tool. My iPhone is (almost) my life. And that’s a problem.

All of us know how useful technology is. We can do things with it that we cannot do without it. In The Tech-Wise Family, Andy Crouch points out what many of us fail to see as we use technology, namely, that it is changing us and our families, and not always for the better.

To understand his point, think of what technology is and what families are for.

First, according to Crouch, the defining characteristic of technology is that it is “easy everywhere.” Think of your smartphone. It is easy to use (my 3-year-old has it figured out) and it can be taken everywhere. Twenty-six years ago, I had a phone (landline, not mobile), a camera, a video camera, cassette tapes, a boom box, a TV, videocassettes, a VHS player, boxes of books, stacks of magazines and a computer. Together, they filled a small room and weighed several hundred pounds. Now all those things are accessible on a four-ounce device that fits in my pocket.

Second, although families have many purposes, Crouch suggests that its key purpose is “the forming of persons.” This has less to do with “being” (what we are) than “becoming” (who we can be). Becoming a person is a matter of virtue formation, and Crouch focuses on two virtues in particular: “wisdom and courage.” Wisdom, he writes, is “knowing, in a tremendously complex world, what the right thing to do is — what will be most honoring of our Creator and our fellow creatures.” Courage is “the conviction and character to act.” Forming these virtues requires loving relationships: “If you don’t have people in your life who know you and love you in that radical way, it is very, very unlikely you will develop either wisdom or courage.”

Anyone with a family knows that long-term, emotionally intimate relationships are the exact opposite of easy everywhere. The phrase, “There’s an app for that,” applies to many routine tasks, but not to cultivating intimacy with your spouse, rearing your children to be responsible adults, contributing to the wellbeing of society or leaving a legacy for your descendants. These require hard work at specific times and in specific places. Technology and family, in other words, point in different directions.

The question Crouch seeks to answer in The Tech-Wise Family is how to put technology in its proper place. How can we use it without our families being overcome by it? Crouch offers 10 principles that his family has tried to live by — not always successfully, he admits.

1. We develop wisdom and courage together as a family.
2. We want to create more than we consume. So, we fill the center of our homes with things that reward skill and active engagement.
3. We are designed for a rhythm of work and rest. So, one hour a day, one day a week, and one week a year, we turn off our devices and worship, feast, play and rest together.
4. We wake up before our devices do, and they “go to bed” before we do.
5. We aim for “no screens before double digits” [i.e., age 10] at school and at home.
6. We use screens for a purpose, and we use them together, rather than using them aimlessly and alone.
7. Car time is conversation time.
8. Spouses have each other’s passwords, and parents have total access to children’s devices.
9. We learn to sing together, rather than letting recorded and amplified music take over our lives and worship.
10. We show up in person for the big events of life. We learn how to be human by being fully present at our moments of greatest vulnerability. We hope to die in one another’s arms.

To be honest, I found many of Crouch’s suggestions radical, especially when compared to how I and members of my family actually use technology. Crouch jokes that he’s suggesting people become “almost Amish.” He also insists that his family’s commitments need not be your family’s commitments. Still, these commitments and the rationale behind them should spark some new ideas in you, your spouse and your kids, hopefully leading to a chastened use of easy-everywhere devices and a wiser, more courageous home.

If you are looking for an approach to parenting and technology that is vulnerable, persuasive, practical, and wise, pick up this book. Andy Crouch explains ten principles concerning technology that have strengthened his family while also expanding on the accompanying disciplines that have made these principles work. Crouch's presentation is supported by research findings from the Barna Group that show how families are struggling to find an approach to technology that is healthy. Crouch's approach is also informed by his Christian faith. Together, Crouch and Barna have produced a valuable book.

I plan to recommend this book widely to parents and friends. It is solid and timely. Pick it up.

Trends in publishing reflect the concerns of the culture, so the increasing number of books about technology being released over the past 10 years or so speaks to a widespread sense of anxiety about the subject. As Andy Crouch notes in his Introduction, kids, parents, and grandparents are all feeling helpless and ill-equipped in responding to the newest technological inventions that are "colonizing" our world. Having grown up before the internet took off, I've watched in disbelief as family members in restaurants ignore one another in favor of their personal screens; and I've guiltily let my own kids spend too much time playing computer games, texting, and watching videos. I think it's especially painful for religious people to see these trends, because we're acutely aware that we've been made for something better and nobler than shallow distraction. With eternity before us, we know the opportunity costs involved.

The Tech-Wise Family is a helpful and much-needed answer to these feelings of consternation, because it situates the problem of technology in a broad context--one that extends backward to creation and forward to the end of our lives. The heart of the book is an exposition of "10 tech-wise commitments" that provide both practical advice and general perspective about the use of technology in family life. These begin with "3 Key Decisions": "choose character," "shape space," and "structure time." Commitments 4 through 8 address various daily habits of using personal technology, such as not taking them to bed, restricting them altogether from early childhood, and using car time as conversation time. The last 2 commitments concern "What Matters Most"--worship and being present for one another in life's most important moments. Our choices in the short term (e.g., when and how to use technology) must be governed by our vision of the big picture. This is the essence of maturity and responsibility. The success of this book is to provide us, if only briefly, with such a vision.

In some important ways, on the other hand, the book fails to go far enough. Crouch, admittedly enamored of technology, takes pains to assure us repeatedly that he isn't against it. It is, he says, "very good" (p. 66). In fact, it's "the most astonishingly good example of the fruit our image bearing was meant to produce" (p. 63). He frequently mentions technology's benefits and the good that it provides. "Technology's fruits are to be celebrated and delighted in"(p. 65). Ultimately, he thinks that "the problem isn't with our devices themselves--it's with the way we use them" (p. 148). These protestations sound off-key, as Crouch argues in the rest of the book that technology "discourages us from disciplines" (p. 37), has an "unrewarding and disengaged nature" (p. 72), and is opposed to what is "demanding and rewarding, restful and rejuvenating" (p. 97), among other things. He refers to "technology's shallow pleasures" (p. 174) and asserts that "Technology's promise of shortcuts around the long path of wisdom and courage turns out to be a lie" (p. 171). When it comes to the hard work of sanctification and living a life worthy of our high calling (Eph. 4:1), such attributes aren't "neutral" (p. 66); they're poisonous. Crouch strikes me as having apprehended the spiritually harmful nature of technology yet as fearful of naming it explicitly lest he appear "churlish" (p. 65). I was disappointed that, for all his talk about proposing a "radical" way with technology (p. 28), he never ventured to suggest that we might start by bringing less of it into our lives. He writes, "the central nudge of the tech-wise life [is] to make the place where we spend the most time the place where easy everywhere is hardest to find" (p. 80). As someone who has never owned a cell phone, I have to disagree. The central nudge would be not to bring the technology into one's life to begin with. Luxuries are not necessities. Conveniences are not indispensables. Doing the hard thing--or doing things the hard way--is the definition of discipline and is beneficial to our bodies, minds, and souls. Members of the church, of all people, should know this.

This is a very insightful book, filled with wisdom and practical applications about technology in the home, from a Christian perspective.

Andy Crouch is clear from the beginning that technology itself is not "bad." It can make our lives richer and more efficient, if used correctly. But if not used in moderation, it provides an "easy everywhere" escape that can lead us to neglect the important people and tasks in our lives, short-changing us all. He uses some current research from Barna (included in this book with several pie charts and other graphs in each chapter) and gives us ten basic principles that he and his family have tried to live by (not perfectly--he is quite honest about the places they've fallen short as well), and why.

It's the "why" that I think is very valuable here, because guides like this could so easily fall into legalism, or present "formulas" to simply force us to act in a certain way, but without something deeper and more powerful guiding us, simple behavior modification is not enough. Crouch says that one of the main purposes of a family is to teach wisdom and courage, and this is his first principle.

Others include:

"We want to create more than we consume. So we fill the center of our home with things that reward skill and active engagement."

This one I thought was very valuable, and it approaches "technology in moderation" from a positive perspective, focusing on developing something, rather than just cutting back on something else. He encourages families to keep musical instruments on hand--even grand pianos in their living room if they have the space and money! One of the big problems with TV and other "devices" is that they tend to reward passivity. Children (and adults) need to engage with art, cooking, music, reading, and other things that engage our whole selves.

Principle three covers the idea of a "Sabbath rest" for ourselves, but also for our devices. We have to know how to unplug and be willing to do it on a regular basis. I thought his contrast between "work and rest" vs. "labor and toil" was interesting.

Principle four, which I thought was one of the most valuable, says that "We wake up before our devices do, and they 'go to bed' before we do." He encourages families to make their bedrooms into screen-free zones, and to not allow their phones to be the first thing they go for in the morning as well as the last thing they see before closing their eyes. Machines do not need rest, but we do, because we are not machines.

Another principle aims for "no screens before the age of ten" for children, which may not be very practical in families with more than one or two children, but still emphasizes, without legalism, the importance of giving children a childhood that will enrich them, engage them, build their brains, introduce them to nature, rather than bewitching them with glowing screens. I couldn't agree more.

Other principles involve being willing to sing and making our own music rather than simply "consuming" what others play, and not automatically turning to a device the entire time we're traveling, or waiting, or in a "pause" between one thing and another.

Principle eight deals with pornography, which is a concern of many parents. Crouch says filtering is a good idea, but shouldn't be all we do. Here's how he puts it:

"All addictions feed on, and are strengthened by, emptiness. When our lives are empty of relationships, porn's relationship-free vision of sex rushes in to fill the void. When our lives are empty of meaning, porn dangles before us a sense of purpose and possibility. When our lives have few deep satisfactions, porn at least promises pleasure and release. Nearly half of teenagers who use porn, according to Barna's research, say they do so out of boredom...

"So the best defense against porn, for every member of our family, is a full life--the kind of life that technology cannot provide on its own. This is why the most important things we will do to prevent porn from taking over our own lives and our children's lives have nothing to do with sex. A home where wisdom and courage come first; where our central spaces are full of satisfying, demanding opportunities for creativity; where we have regular breaks from technology and opportunities for deep rest and refreshment (where devices "sleep" somewhere other than our bedrooms and where both adults and children experience the satisfactions of learning in thick, embodied ways rather than thin, technological ways); where we've learned to manage boredom and where even our car trips are occasions for deep and meaningful conversation--this is the kind of home that can equip all of us with an immune system strong enough to resist pornography's foolishness. ..."

This book is not a long read, but is pretty concise, and has given me a lot to consider, both in the ways we are already incorporating some of these principles, but also in the ways we might need to adjust our thinking. Definitely recommended for Christian families who use technology (which is just about all of us!)

Disclosure: I received this book free from Baker Books through the Baker Books Bloggers program. The opinions I have expressed are my own, and I was not required to write a positive review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Whether you're a parent, grandparent, teen, or single adult--this resource is invaluable for taking intentional control of our electronic devices. It's an easy read filled with valuable insights and though it's family related--a single adult person of any age can use its wisdom to speak with people they care about. Considering the highly addictive nature of electronic devices, a child's future might depend on it.

I have read extensively on technology and its impact on modern life and faith. This is the most practical little book that I have read. It is not targeted at academics or intellectuals (though they will certainly appreciate it), but for individuals and families who seek to live and follow our Lord in the real world. Crouch is not a Luddite. He uses technology, and he understands its value. But, he argues, we must learn to control technology, or technology will control us. And that is where this book is valuable, in the practical ways he suggests that we can control technology in our lives and in our families. Five stars. Well worth your time to read.

Whenever there is anything latest and greatest, not only will there be hype, there will also be concerns about how it will affect relationships both present and future. Some would harp back at the "good old days" and dismiss the vogue of the day. Others would do the reverse, committing the error of what CS Lewis has called as "chronological snobbery," where the newest trends are deemed better than the past. Both are poor responses to changing cultural forces. The way forward is neither abandonment or careless acceptance. It is wisdom. This wisdom includes the appropriate ways to work with rather than abandon technology. It means putting technology in its proper place instead of letting it set our pace. It is knowing about what the new movements are, what are the sources, and how best we can respond. In Culture Making, Andy Crouch critiques the two conventional approaches of culture. The first is unwitting acceptance while the second is unnecessary rejection. He then argues for the path of creative culture making. This book follows up on such a mindset. Instead of totally embracing or rejecting technology in our digital world, we need to learn to be wise in our use of technology. In a survey of parents with regard to the difficulties of modern parenting, technology tops the list of parenting concerns.

Crouch writes:

"Technology is in its proper place only when we use it with intention and care. If there's one thing I've discovered about technology, it's that it doesn't stay in its proper place on its own; much like my children's toys and stuffed creatures and minor treasures, it finds its way underfoot all over the house and all over our lives. If we aren't intentional and careful, we'll end up with a quite extraordinary mess." (21)

With intention, there is purpose and direction in the way we use technology. We can be so infatuated with what technology could do until we forget what we ought to do with our daily lives. This intention is crucial in knowing our place. Even as Crouch points out the need to put technology in its place, it is more important to know our place, our own tendency to be distracted and to let things come between us and the more important things in life. This brings us to the next point, care. Having technology as a tool is useful. When we fail, we let it become a master over us, which is terribly unhelpful. How do we go about doing this? Crouch gives us three ways to be 'tech-wise.' The first is choosing character over commodity. This is because technology is not so much the things out there but what is inside us. Just like knowledge is easy to come by but not the skills and wisdom in using it, technology hardware is easy to get but the software is not so easy to keep pace. In the same way, using technology is easy but discerning its use requires a whole new level of maturity. Wisdom means knowing which are the more important things and deciding on prioritizing them. The second point is a crucial one: creativity. Ever since the invention of the iPad and touch-screen technology, consumerism have risen considerably. People are consuming eBooks, e-based periodicals, and e-shopping like never before. The success of Amazon is a case in point. Like any zero-sum game, when a person is consuming, he is not creating. If he spends more time as a consumer, he sacrifices that same time as a creator. Can they do both? Not many could do that. Crouch proposes the expanding and shaping of this creative space. This can be facilitated through a reward system in which creative work can be recognized. Having plants in the house means a responsibility to care for them. Keep the books that are worth reading and re-reading. Have a musical instrument around so as to create and enjoy music without depending on MP3 players to do the creative work for us. Artwork too can trigger creativity. Crouch's third point is an important one: How do we structure time in a technology infatuated world? He points us to the nature of work and the need to have a healthy rhythm between work and rest. He advocates the practice of sabbath and refresh our understanding on the nature of work. Being Tech-wise essentially means keeping work in its place. The rest of the book deals with practical things like:

How to manage technology before we go to sleep?
How can we establish healthy limits to the use of technology?
How much time is enough?
What is the purpose of boredom? Are we letting boredom dictating our use of technology?
How can we recover conversation time without the need to involve technology?
Defending our family from the temptations of pornography
Recovering the need to sing and not depend on our technologies to sing for us
How can we be more human in an increasingly technological world?
....

We are entering new cultural terrains even as technology continue to speed ahead with new gadgets, new advancements, and new ideas. They supplant old paradigms with new. They are turning the world we know upside down. There have also created new paradoxes of life. Paradoxes such as technology could bring people far away closer, they could also alienate people close by; how technology speeds things up but the learning process slows things down; and how technology connects as well as disconnects relationships; etc. It is disconcerting to see that many people are so skilled in using technology but lack the wisdom to discern its usage. In fact, one would assert that with the rise of technology comes a need for greater guidance. We are living in a world where paradigms are inverted. Solutions are looking for problems. Technology is predicting our needs, and words are being fed into our minds. There is a real danger of falling prey to the distractions of technology and losing grasp of who we are, what we need, and what we ought to do with our life. Crouch speaks with a wise voice to remind us that technology must be treated like fire. It can be a powerful slave but also a terrible slavemaster. We must watch out for the dangers of addiction, of uncritical acceptance of everything the technology titans throw at us. Beware of the continued temptations of individualism, consumerism, and materialism. Thankfully, Crouch is joining a growing chorus of voices to caution us not to be blindsided by the technological tsunami. Be wise users. How? Perhaps for some of us, this book is a great start.

Andy Crouch is executive editor of ChristianityToday and the author of Playing God and Culture Making. He lives with his family in Pennsylvania.

Rating: 4.75 stars of 5.

conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Baker Books and Graf-Martin Communications without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

Can't recommend this book enough. Full of wisdom and practical advice on what it means to be a family in a tech saturated world. Read it with whoever in your family is old enough. More so than any book in memory, this will change the way we think and practice on a daily basis. Buy it. Read it. You'll be glad you did.

I found the early to bed guideline for our devices very helpful. A much needed resource for navigating this world with greater intention.

I always appreciate Andy Crouch’s books. They are so insightful and wise. I appreciate his nuanced and informed discussions on important topics – like culture, power, and, in the case of his new book, technology. In The Tech-Wise Family, Crouch doesn’t just give us a parenting book. Quite the opposite, in fact. Instead, we have extended discussions on the purpose of family, character building, and how to structure one’s time and spaces to cultivate and encourage creativity. With recent research from the Barna Group, Crouch gives us helpful directions on how to aid our families live in ways which promote human flourishing and how to use technology without becoming enslaved to it. As with his other works, I highly recommend this book.